Venus Day: Full Moon weekend, Mercury Shadow period, Saturn, Jupiter square, Mercury Uranus square, Mars Gemini 07.19.2024

 whenever there is a harsh, direct aspect to Pluto, I am always aware that things will never go back to the old because we are being illuminated like a light flashing through a dark room. A sprinkle of deep waves rushes through the mind. 

We are experiencing a Mercury shadow and a second Capricorn moon. At 29 degrees, a critical degree that composes the energy of LEO. Twenty-nine breaks down to an eleven which will be a 2, the number relating to the Moon.

 Thoth is associated with this energy. 

Personally speaking.. this signature gives me very much wisdom. The sight that is always overhead and sometimes anywhere else a vantage can be consumed. Connecting to so many realms through existence, consistently returning in similarity, yet a new species. 

I've been watching the birds more these days. Their chips and their tones. I even had a bird fly to me while I was in the midst of a deeply transformative thought and it appeared at my window. I laughed. Moon in 6th House. I have to watch the animals too. They all have a way of sending us information about ourselves as well as the old world. They encourage us to ascend by learning new things. Gemini energy is getting a new wave with Jupiter's 13-month transit. 

Going back to the point...

Again, Capricorn has a specific point to make. It is most often referenced as the disciplinary parent of the household, and not necessarily gender specific, while obviously holding the feminine-masculine balance. Where is Capricorn 29 degrees in your chart?

Are you reading Western or Eastern, or both?

What house system are you using?

There's a need to speak the same language to complete the song in each tongue. In the Indigenous tribes of the old world, each tribe had a melody that had its own sound but when sung together created a song. Completion, whole. Something to marvel at when a choir is singing beautifully. Almost as if it is a Leo Woman, always having the attention without asking for it. 

Saturn is bringing to our attention ways we can improve ourselves by learning a new thing or ten, with Jupiter, that can contrast some of our ideals that are connected to loss, via Saturn Pisces. Are we willing to give everything up just to receive a cornucopia of blessings?

Mercury going into shadow Leo 23 on Venus day (July 19), ask yourself if you feel that square coming?

Mars is 29 Taurus and will be in Gemini soon. However, Uranus Taurus is going to be awakening for all of us on Mother Earth. Our ego is traded for peace and longevity. Our bold pride in being number one for self-loving traded for the company of hard labor channeled with deep appreciation. Being able to slow down on the fire and be a slow burn. Evaluating is Virgo-esque, where the Mercury Rx will kick off. 

Try not to pick yourselves apart like a bird pecking it's prey... 

Use your vantage points of sight, perspectives, faith even, to see the full picture as wide as you may.

Love, 

Chiron to Chiron: Double Healing

 Over the past weekend, there was a huge Chiron transit hitting me both ways.

My natal Chiron in Cancer was hit by the Sun in Cancer, and the transiting Chiron in Aries was hitting my Natal Sun in a fire trine.

I enjoyed the new moon weekend, I took care of myself and my body and had some time alone with my baby while my oldest daughter was visiting her family.

Monday comes and we head downtown to meet my other mother and her grandchildren for lunch at the park.

I recently created a community project and was looking for information about how to do it all and finding legit resources for me to grow with.

We get there and talk about the new nonprofit that I created for children and how I wish to start working on a project for a new care center. I told her I didn’t have any ideas from other people because I didn’t know anyone who is doing what I did. She gave me a lot to think over and resources to support me.

As I was on my way home, I felt that I should tell her how much she has impacted my life and how much I appreciate her. If it wasn’t for her speaking on the binding power of religious cycles, I would have been stuck on whether I should leave or stay to please my mother.

I would go on to state how much loss I experienced in the relationship with my mother, which was already hard for me since early on and she insisted that she would be present.

I remember after getting home from the day I saw a tweet from an inspirational coach that spoke on growing up in isolation and how it affected the relationship with the family. The coach said that when a child is in utero or newborn, and the mother doesn’t want the child or is unsure, it shows up at birth as a painful experience that the child lives on with.

Chiron is an example of what she is stating. The child was born, the mother threw him away and Apollo trained him to be a warrior. He also had a wife who helped him heal and she was a nymph.

I replied to her thread stating how my mother told me that she didn’t want to keep me but my father said that I was not going anywhere. It made me feel up and down. After all, she didn’t want to keep me because she was so young with multiple children and he did want to keep me but was not living a life of integrity with women he had children with.

So I was torn seeing both sides of their feelings and mine. I felt like I was a burden to her and I tried to find ways to get away from her so she could get whatever relief she needed that my existence was robbing in her life.

I started doing math on living alone and how much I needed to make to get stable when I was 15 years old. I saved my money as much as possible but I didn’t like full-time working hours when I was 19 years old.

Eventually, I did move out at 21, and back in later out of state, and I found myself feeling like a huge burden on her with my daughter all over again.

To hear my mother say that she doesn’t have to love me hurt. I couldn’t see myself being that way towards my own children because we didn’t have the same conviction about what DIVINE POWER is.

I understand the autonomy that she has been showing in her decisions. I just know that it hurt me how she implied it.

It’s been a deeply emotional experience to share with someone else that my mother is very distant from me and always has been. She assumed that I didn’t need her as much as my sister did because I was not very needy in my emotional reaction to her. But I had been through the loss of my relationship with her at an early age and I was always questioning who my mother was. I had no baby pictures, just from youth, I look very much like my father and I knew my father loved me very much. And since he’s been gone from earth's side since 2022, I’m more diligent about reminding myself that I love myself and I treat myself to love as much as I can.

I held myself back especially with anger because I knew I was unwanted and knew that I could still exist in this life. I counted myself out and accepted less than good because I knew that I was unwanted for some reason. So the idea of a man not wanting me never hurt me, on the surface at least, because my own mother didn’t. That’s always going to bring me perspective on everything in life. But it can stop me from feeling wanted by someone who truly does love me. I can pass up good offers if I’m still stuck on my mother’s words. I have an opportunity to heal and not make this pain my identity anymore because my projects are not about pain. But they are created to support those who support themselves and I am here for them. The same way I am here for me.

Yeah, it was a pain to hear from my mother that she was fed up with children when I arrived or when I saw others taking their mothers for granted but I realized that it wasn’t right but it’s okay. Everything unfolding is justice, poetically speaking.

What is your Chiron sign?

I Found DIVINE POWER During the Longest Night of the Year

 

As I lay there in the moss and trees, looking up at the starry sky, feeling overwhelmed with my life being so low, I felt ethereal.

I cried a little bit. I had accepted my fate. I’m broke. I can’t stay in a hotel or an Airbnb anymore. I lost the job I just got. I can’t call anyone for help because I am embarrassed by current circumstances and I let somebody else make me feel like there’s nothing anybody would want to do for me anyway.

As I left the hotel looking at my accounts in regret, I felt a sense of sadness and despair I’d never felt before but always knew would come. I abandoned my ego and began to drag behind me my entire existence in a suitcase with the rest in my back down the street. I felt the need to cross the road and find somewhere I felt somewhat safe and hidden from anyone else. I started walking up to this office building complex. It was getting cold and I was tired from trying to find shelter all day on and off buses in the city. I cut into the trees and started walking through the grassy area, feeling the sticks from branches crunch under my feet.

My suitcase wheel was stuck in a muddy spot so I just dropped the handle. Nearby was a stream of water running. I took off my book bag and started making my sleeping area. I used it as my pillow and looked up. I saw the clear star-studded sky. No clouds or irritable lighting from the streets were blocking my view.

This was supposedly the evening when all the black people got superpowers. But I was so hurt at how low I fell from grace that it wasn’t even a thought.

I remember just being one with everything.

After I made a post on my Facebook asking for help with $50 to have another night at the motel 6 near me, I stared into space. I started thinking about how I had nothing. I had No one. I was completely alone in all my efforts to change things around. I sacrificed my comfort for truth. I sacrificed everything including my pride by leaving my children with their fathers to finally get my life together by starting to focus on taking care of me! And I sunk into a new low I was avoiding for so many years, homelessness.

Most magically, I told myself, “Hey, it’s not that bad. I’m still alive and well. They’re safe and supported, not in this shitty feeling!”

Then I heard myself saying how I just accept it as is. I’m No longer fighting to make things my way anymore. I surrender to whatever the divine wants me to do. In my own voice I said aloud, “DIVINE POWER whatever you will, I will do it! I give up doing it on my own! I’m tired of being lost and tricked!”

And just like that, I received the $50 to go to the hotel. I went to my Facebook page while I got up off the ground. A guy from high school saw my post, asked if I was alright, and sent me the money. I was so grateful and I thanked him for his generosity.

I went back to the motel 6, got a room, and went to sleep quickly.

The next day I checked out the joint, hopped on the bus with the pass I bought, and went to the mall.

I said out loud. “Angel guides, I’m ready to go home now. Show me what to do!”

An hour later, my uncle called me on Facebook to ask me to come home and sent me a car to the bus station and he picked me up. His coworkers gave me some clothes, lotion, perfumes, purses, and a heavy coat with winter boots. I was working in a plan for making money as a self-employed person and I kept repeating the manifesto anytime I was overwhelmed by emotion that was good and bad. I thought I was going to get money from the government to pay for my temporary car but it wasn’t coming that quickly. So I said, “well, I must have to go home to get the money I need and when I do, I’ll get the car and start work immediately!”

I did two offerings to Oshun when I came home. Once because of a dream I had and the next day I got the gifts from my uncles coworkers. The second one was for after I received my car for work. I got a lump sum of money, got new glasses and while I was sitting in the car I was thinking about how to spend more of it. Then I asked myself, “what did I say I was going to do?” And the car I test drove in Marietta had rode passing us at the red light and I remembered that I said I would complete the task and get the car!

I booked the reservation and then a ride to the car, paid my rental fee and deposit, then went to the parking garage to see the vehicle that I was going to get. It was the exact same car that I test drove in a later year. I sage and invoke my gratitude for that day and opportunity. I took the car to get a wash and went to the river once I got honey and gave the offering to her.

Now astrologically speaking I was in my Saturn return during this transitional period. I had lost everything I was trying to hold onto with No real way of understanding how to do it with so much opposition. Every time I thought I figured it out, I got the wind knocked out of me to the point where I saw I had to start over again, from scratch.

The longest night of 2020, after the election drama, the mask BS, the most important part of this was that my faith rose to the occasion. Something deep inside of me was waiting for birth in my life. I had finally had enough of leading my life without any other source to guide me. I felt like a child trying to make decisions about things I had no clue to deal with because I just wanted to be great and successful. I was impulsive with my choices for so long that I didn’t realize it until I couldn’t move anymore from it.

Saturn really did that for me.

Awakening me to my true potential meant that I had to surrender to the present reality. I had to release my limited knowledge and perspective of what is possible and let the higher power be a part of my journey. It wasn’t missing in action, it was just in the background and I didn’t want to listen to it because it reminded me of how wrong I was about things. And those things were me trying my absolute best to fix my mistakes. I abandoned myself in every relationship I was in and then they abandoned me in return. I gave so much positivity for them to reach their potential and never gave myself the same. And if I ever had, I was always met with opposition and hurt that I never understood. And therefore, I abandoned my own feelings for the sake of others' peace and respect that they never had.

That long night outside is a bookmark for me to always remember what is important to me and how I can make it through. I will always be grateful for what the divine gift me and multiple that back into the universe.

I understood what oneness is all about when I had no choice but to surrender to the fact that it is what it is. The peace I found was undeniable and I felt so much better knowing that the key was acceptance all along. It’s never the end. And besides, with any situation and circumstance, I can handle it. I always have.

My Virginity Anniversary: Pluto Capricorn Transit

 For some odd reason, I felt like it would be a grand idea to tell the story of how I ended up in a copulated situation with someone who is not my husband! 

First off, let me just say this is not an attempt to grasp for attention, nor is it a means to hurt anyone involved in the telling of MY STORY. I'm only here to entertain the idea that my experiences have lessons and laughter for the soul. 

Let's take it back... far back...

When I was younger, I had seen sexual images, like p0rn, and knew what sex was, on a physical level. I heard plenty of love songs from the '70s to the '90s about how lovemaking was beautiful, erotic, and sensual for the ones involved. So many songs associated with intimacy, I listened to the quiet storm at night all the time. It was something I would daydream about, the day I would have sex with my man. I was only in 3rd grade and was well aware of sex being something that people did, but not very aware that it has a deep psychological effect on the body and a spiritual connection to the soul. As a child who was sexually assaulted and harassed, I still was hopeful that it would feel magical for some reason. Yet when I was a teenager, I had sworn a life of virginity until I was married. The whole time virginity had nothing to do with sexual penetration!

I did, however, indulge in oral sex and always was a receiver. I wanted to be married and then penetrated. Almost all of my peers had already engaged in premarital sex and were being blasted for it. Whether through a religious lashing of a bad rep or in school, where people were frustrated at the relationships not working out the way they preferred. And this made me even more happy to wait.

When I met the guy I would give myself to, I was very much in a vulnerable time of my life. I did not fit in with my peer group of the religion I was in for the previous decade, I was working a job that I disliked and didn't want to stay in but did for the sake of my mother's expectations. And I had just broken up with someone else I was dating at the time. He seemed innocent enough but I really didn't buy the whole "my parents said" story. I really think it was just gossip that ruined everything, and maybe for a good reason.

The day I met this one, I was so into him. It was eerily instantaneous how much I desired him because I never felt this way about anyone before him. I didn't know what it was, and I still kind of don't know. I was introduced to him, then walked away making eye contact. The next time I saw him, I was asking a million questions trying to see if he was single, available, and open to meeting new people. I had a reputation of being somewhat innocent, as I did not smoke, I did drink, but I was not sexually active like everyone else. After multiple conversations and a perfect wingman, we decided to be a bit more flirty. I texted him and told him that I was a virgin but I wanted to have sex with him. I don't know if he thought I was lying or not, but we ended up doing it like it was a planned event. What's funny is that it ended fast and I was crying cause I was battling with my conscious the entire time. I felt bad for a couple days, then I forgot about it. I was on him every time I saw him because he felt so calming and dreamy. I was experiencing some new vibes and learning so much about things I was shielded from. I was at work writing his name all day. I was writing his name with mine, too. I created a blog and constantly wrote about him. Had not been this gone since high school over a guy. Hooked! 

We would hook up all the time, with music playing. I mean even the first time there was a playlist on, and it had every single song I would fantasize about having my first time with and that was spooky! Sometimes I would try not to engage in sex because I did not want it to only be about sex between us. The feeling I felt in my gut was there before we took flight. I was trying to ground the emotions I had held into reality by being present. But sometimes, it was like I was so lost in the beauty of his energy that I couldn't even pay attention to what he was saying or forget what he asked. I was just immature.

I tried to balance it out by still hanging out with other men that I was not interested in but was friends with so I wouldn't be so lost in one person. I mean we never even committed to anything so why not? I was free and so was he.

Then I was just wondering, what would my life be like if I just got rid of everything I ever knew about life and started over with him. Like I was really planning on spending my whole life with this man since I felt that strongly about a person and followed through on that action. It was like I had no choice if I was going to be happy other than to do it. I went and told my best friend at the time, cause I couldn't keep it in. I wanted someone to help me understand what just happened. 

After a couple months of confusing conversations, reading texts and DMs that were flirty from him to other women, and a phone call from his ex-girlfriend, I was about done with the situation. He skipped my birthday, something I never got to celebrate truly since I was 7 years old, and that really hurt the most. I distanced myself. I found out that not only was he previously somewhat dating my sister, but everyone knew but me. So I felt very stupid, cause it had to be on purpose. Why would either of them keep information like that a secret? Granted anyone else did not want to create the drama, but it was always there, brewing. 

He accused me of cheating, which I never did. I was just busy hanging out with my friends, or rather, associates, working and meeting my religious obligations to keep the heat of my mother off me. I never ever wanted to think of anyone else, let alone be with anyone else. That hurt my feelings to hear him disown me and clown everything to save face for someone else. I took it to the chin because I was supposed to wait until marriage anyway.

Another guy I dated the year prior had heard about my relationship with this young man, and he was intrigued. He invited me out for lunch at a restaurant to ask me more about what was going on with me. Not really sure but enjoying the scenario, I agreed to meet him at Burger King. He wanted to know why I didn't choose him to be my first. That was literally all he wanted to know. That made me feel like I was a piece of art or clothing. Yes, fine, and desired by many, but as if I can be bought and sold to the highest bidder, and that made me upset. It was not that he was unattractive. He just didn't give me that feeling that if I did not give my body to him, my life would be paused, regretting that decision until I gave in. 

It took me a long time to get over that short stint between us, I mean, I was not going to do it in the first place, I wanted to wait until I was married to trust a man to hold me that way. Yet, things happened the way they did for a reason. Turns out we actually have a lot in common on an astrological note. Saturn was transit Virgo and we share Virgo placements, as well as our mothers sharing a birthday. That's when I started noticing synchronicities between myself and those who I dated or casually hooked up with. Our minds were synced, our values were synced, we wanted the same relationship structure and we loved family. I thought that was enough but my attempts at making it work were never reciprocated. He told me he loved me but I never really saw it enough to trust that he was telling me the truth. I cried for days about that until one day I forgot about him. And then I realized I had and felt relief until we met again, and again, and again, and again. It was like a wet booger that would not leave my finger. He was introduced to all the associated peers I knew and then it was a nightmare that would not end. He even dated someone just to piss me off cause he knew my insecurities would be triggered. And I forgave him. He was so mean to me, but I knew it was not over yet. I wanted to spend my life with him. 

Years into this mess, we can sit and talk and be cordial. We both moved on but still, the chemistry was just insane. It was as if we never left each other alone. Or at least that is how it felt to me. I would tear up at the feeling of being near him. I would drop everything for his call or message, and make it my mission to be with him. I drove him anywhere he needed to go, and I gave him whatever he needed. I supported his dream because I wish I had one so clear for someone to support mine in pure love and genuine interest. I didn't ask for anything in return but loyalty. The same loyalty I always gave without him asking me for it. I was already in a girlfriend's mode and we never ever established that commitment to each other. 

I was in a new relationship and my child's father felt threatened by our relationship because he knew I loved him very much. It made him feel insecure and I didn't care. I never cheated on him but I could have found a way to comfort him without making him feel bad about his emotions. Instead, it just tore us apart even more. I just didn't understand what kind of magic was being made on my behalf. How can one person have such a stronghold on me to the point where he is constantly in my dreams without a prerequisite of thought or conversation? And it just feels so gentle and dreamy each and every encounter, only to end in bitterness, hurt, and a bit of regret. It's giving toxic before we were saying it.

I can honestly say, that after 15 years of being entangled, I am finally free. It took me years of crying, dreaming, and hoping, but I finally stopped being tempted by this devil. After all, the devil was the most beautiful angel, right? 

Now to put my astrological spin on this story...Pluto entered Capricorn in 2008. Pluto conjunct my Vesta in Sagittarius before it entered Capricorn, which is in my 5th House of Love, Creativity, Fun, and Love affairs. So therefore, Pluto brought to the surface in my 5th house my feelings and emotions regarding fun and love affairs, as during this time when this all started to take place, ie having sex. Pluto rules Scorpio which is connected to the 8th House of sex, transformation, and secrets.  The age 19 is also an 8th house profection year. So as we can clearly see, this was a major theme in my life at the time whether I took the bait or not. It was to be addressed one way or another. I am grateful it was like this, instead of being something more tragic, like deathly. I just got my heart broken into a billion pieces and it was unexpected, yet typical. With Saturn transit Virgo, both of our Virgo placements had to be tightened up thus explaining the emphasis on communication being so difficult at the time. I literally felt like my mind and mouth were not working properly but I got by with facial expressions and disappearing into the night whenever I couldn't get it out. I could have communicated better with people as much as I wanted to. I have a quadruple Virgo stellium, so it was quite literally a lot not being said or understood. 

Pluto sits in my 3rd house of communication and siblings. Another enlightenment moment is that sex and siblings were the catalyst to uncovering the truth of myself beyond the mask I was given to wear to please the authority in my life, Saturn, as it was conjunct with my mother's Pluto. I think that's why her ability to be highly aware, in the most private detective kind of way, was almost psychic for me. She was getting a lot of feedback on what was going on through gossip and just knowing patterns. She commented on my body shape changing and I told her she was doing too much, then scrammed immediately out of the door. 

And to top it off, Pluto transit Capricorn for 15 years, the entire time that it has taken me to feel like I am finally over all of this! So much has come up through this period, as I had my children during this transit, even the latest addition being a Capricorn stellium put much on the finale episode of these types of situations. Even with all the love I think I have for one specific person, or all I had an affair with during that time, it was all a huge lesson in self-love, my 5th house. Being slow to act on physical attraction, lust, or "love" relationships was what I got from this altogether. I would have found out way more from each if I had waited it out instead of diving headfirst into someone I knew slightly. I had this belief that if it was true then I could do that and it would all work out alright in the end for everyone. Except when you do not know yourself enough, you cannot know them more than surface level either. Pluto really has a way of uncovering the secrets you didn't even know you had, to force permanent life changes. To return now to any of these men would mean, to me, that I do not value the time or effort that I have already invested. Everyone had benefited especially in their careers and public image, Saturn/10th house, from being associated with me in some way, either in bad light or just sex. I didn't benefit physically, just spiritually. I got children, legacies, and stories from them that will heal for ages. I value that, cause I am still alive and well.